How arranged marriage kills!

WHY ARRANGED MARRIAGE CAN DO GREAT HARM IN THE MARRIAGE LIVES OF THE COUPLE

Things to consider before going into arranged Marriage and why it is not good to engage in it

Most marriages shatter always as a result of the subject above – ‘Arranged marriage’.  It is true that some parents consider it to be a safer way to get their wards married and to build a future for them.  But the reverse of their reasons is the case here.  After marriage, parents will come to notice that their daughter spent just three months with her husband and divorced.  There shouldn’t be any surprise here, in that arranged marriage is the ‘bone of contention’.  Without being told, any mature mind should know that marriage is not just an entity but a community of lifetime and shouldn’t be risked as such.  Therefore, the details below tells clearly about this issue:

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•     MARRIAGE TAKES MATURITY: In most cases, parent do believe that their children are incapable of choosing their life partners all alone, due to the fact they are not matured enough to do so.  Yes, that is exactly what it should be, nothing more.  A child of 19 years or less shouldn’t in any case go into marriage because, marriage is not just an entity, but community, as stated above.  Even though in those days, it was considered normal, it shouldn’t be practiced now because what the olden people know and the state of their maturity then has reduce in the present generation due to corruption of humanity.  In those days, a 14 year old girl could be allowed to get married because, they were known to have attained the matured state of mind, heart and were easygoing with life.  Moreover, maturity deals not with age but personality trait.  And research has proven that the-now people are short of attaining maturity state earlier, compared to the olden people.  When a child, be it boy or girl, go into marriage with the help of their parents, it is obvious that such marriage would not last long.  Sometimes, we ask; will the parents be the ones to get married?  The answer is no.  Therefore, there is a need for young minds to get matured and be able to choose their partners themselves.
• ·        ACQUAINTANCE BEFORE MARRIAGE:  marriage should have a convention, which is believed to exist.  But this convention is broken by going into the engagement of arranged marriages.  A couple who intend to go into this institution of life, should have time to get automatic bonding of heart, spirit, soul and body before marrying.  If not, there is a tendency of something going wrong.  That is why there is something known as ‘courtship’ before marriage.  A time when partners get to know each other for couple of months or even up to a year.  This is practiced to get to know each other well and automatically get marriage bonding that would prevent hurt in future.  Furthermore, people are very good in pretending to be good, in order to have what they want at the moment and later on, their true colours would be shown.  There is a need to know each other, not someone knowing them for you.

·         HAVING A FUTURE: It is necessary that one should go through college, have a degree or at least be engaged into a business that can serve as a tool of self-caring without depending totally on Parents or any other relatives.  This does not mean that one cannot get help from family and friends, no.  The truth is that anything can happen at any time.  Some of the repercussion of arranged marriages is having nothing doing and going into marriage.  This will not help at all.  Sometimes, some will still be in college, yet think about getting married, either initiated by them or parents.  Though no one pray for bad to occur, but it is certain that death is inevitable and could come any time.  In a case whereby a young man is being supported by parents towards raising his family and something occurs to them, certainly his home will tear apart because he has no job that will fetch him money to take care of his family, likewise the lady.

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•     PEOPLE’S MENTALITY: Most people will usually think that their children have started mingling with boys and girls. Therefore, there is a need to get them married.  But such is not the actual way to handle it.  Even though parents get to know that their wards are engaging in a relationship that they wouldn’t like, there is a more welcoming way to tackle it and not getting such ignorant heart married, when she do not know anything about marriage.  One day her future, life and happiness would be wrecked.  People should stop thinking that way.  A good child that has well home training should know that engaging in premarital relationship is harmful and should avoid anything that would spoil the family’s joy.  Marrying such boy or girl out is not the remedy.  If mingling with the opposite sex is right there in the blood, such person will continue from where he stopped, after getting married and such will break the marriage.  What parents got to do is to start earlier to give their wards good home training and to show them the way of making good choices and not engaging in what everyone do.  The fact that everyone does it, does not mean it is good.  There are some good young boys and girls out there who had made this good choice of not engaging in what the youths of these days engage in, in the name of being in a premarital relationship.  Yes! Such people do exit and it is the good handwork of their parents and their own positive contribution in knowing the truth.   Good home training is very vital    
• ·        CONSIDERATION OF FUTURE OUTCOME: It had been recognized that most people do not consider the outcome of their intending and intended actions before going into it.  It is obvious that considering everything in two ways is better than one, in such that when someone make a counter consideration based on his original plans, there is a full grounded possibility to figure out some unavoidable circumstances that could hamper the growth of such plan.  Marriage being a community of two people should be taken into consideration, deeply to know the future outcome of the bonding.  While consideration is necessary, the following questions should be personally considered

(a)  Is it necessary to get married this time?

(b) Where will this marriage lead me/us to in the nearest future

(c)  Will there be any problem following what am/we (are) about to do?

(d) Am I/we really able and capable, age-wise, maturity and all it takes to have a life partner or be life partners?

(e)  Am I/we really acquainted to this person am about getting married to?

(f)   What will the people say about this, in case there arise a shattered marriage tomorrow?

(g)  Will I be able to bear this when it happen?  And so on

The above rhetorical-like questions should be asked because marriage is not for boys and girls, but for men and women.

Finally, personal instinct and initiative should play a tangible role in the life of every being.  Taking wrong choice of action should be corrected by one’s intellect and wisdom, in order to avoid history occurring twice.  No one will say he or she have not heard about the causes and consequences of premature marriage engagements, which sometimes leads to death.  Yet, people allow their children, or better still lure them into marrying at an early age.  Therefore, there is a need we learn from people’s experience rather than allowing such thing to occur to us directly, after seeing how it had been on others.  That’s not wise at all.  The above will really go a long way to open one’s eyes and enable him make a U-turn towards arranged marriage and premature marital engagements.

Be well, and excel in all ramification!